I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
