ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
