forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i out mim tonsoeep
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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