She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
