who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
