Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
