Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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