is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
