i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
