My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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