He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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