This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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