so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
