theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize