apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
