This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
