I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize