Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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