Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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