fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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