Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
