My hand turned me down
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
