My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
