The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
