Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize