I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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