Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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