My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
