R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
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All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
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I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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