Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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