I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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