Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
