with your own penis?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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