Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
