Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he told me I talked like a deaf person
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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