I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
That's when you crack a 10am beer
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
