At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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