haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
