Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
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What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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