You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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