You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
