Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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