i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
