Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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