didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
