dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
