i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
