Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
