plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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