I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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