still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
