There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
