This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
