Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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