i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
