He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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