Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
