found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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