My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
