I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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