GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
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I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize