Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
