my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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