No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
