I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
